the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
