you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
