I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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