just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
