I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
