i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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