So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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