he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize