The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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