my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
