census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
