Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just invented taco cereal.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
