Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
