Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just pynch a tree in the face
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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