You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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