You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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