after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
