im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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