My sheets look like a crime scene.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
