I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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