I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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