Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
