can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
