How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
