Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
