i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
