I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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