peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
