my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize