I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
this is an emotional support booty call
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
