So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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