The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
