Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
