just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
