you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't put those talents on a resume
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
