i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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