i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize