If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
