i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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