Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
