eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sorry my hands just texted you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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