Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
