At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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