I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
