I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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