i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
