i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
