So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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