Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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