RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
