I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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