I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize