I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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