A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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