what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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