my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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