Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
