apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
