dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
