Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
