if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
