i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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