just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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