my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
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