we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
