Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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