I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
