Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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