I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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