I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and you said cock pushups were impossible
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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