I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
