Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
