why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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