I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
