Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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