careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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