matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
