he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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