I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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