Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
