I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
