So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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